A Day In The Life...

6:00 AM: Wake up. Sort of. Press the snooze button on my cell phone.
6:18 AM: Wake up for real. Head to the shower.
6:20 AM: Shower.
6:40 AM: Get dressed. Brush teeth and shave. Etc.
7:10 AM: Go to the cafeteria. Have some breakfast. Usually with bacon because everything goes better with bacon.
7:40 AM: Begin walk to the reading. It takes about 15 minutes but I leave a little early just in case. Don't want to get chewed out by the table leader again.
7:56 AM: Show up. Mill around. Refill my coffee mug.
7:59 AM: Sit down at table. Stare at yesterday's last unfinished exam.
8:00 AM: A disembodied voice is heard from the speakers: "Readers, it's time to start grading." I dutifully comply.
8:02 AM: Continue to stare at the test. Take another sip of coffee.
8:04 AM: Finally realize what the student is trying to say. It's wrong. Student gets a zero.
8:05 AM: Grade next test.
8:06 AM: Grade next test.
Etc.
9:37 AM: Strive to remember if break time is at 9:45 AM or 10:00 AM.
9:48 AM: It must be at 10:00 AM.
10:00 AM: Disembodied voice again: "Readers, it's break time. Please be back in your cubicle in 15 minutes."
10:01 AM: Stand up. Look at the snack room - long line. Wander down to the bathroom - long line. Walk around a bit until one of the two lines clears up. Have some food and/or relieve myself.
10:05 AM: Surreptitiously hide some free snacks in my pockets for later.
10:10 AM: Surreptitiously scan the classified section of the paper in the apartment section.
10:12 AM: Refill coffee mug.
10:14 AM: Disembodied Voice: "One minute remaining."
10:15 AM: D.V.: "Readers, time to start grading again."
10:16 AM: Put paper away. Grade another exam.
10:48 AM: Chuckle softly as student writes a creative answer/comically stupid answer/song lyrics/love ballad/blame-the-teacher diatribe/why-does-this-exam-cost-so-damn-much complaint.
10:52 AM: Read yet again: "THIS IS SPARTA". Groan as it's gotten quite old.
11:14 AM: Mind begins to wander towards lunch. Not really hungry, just don't want to grade another exam.
11:33 AM: Mind wanders again. Pace of grading slows down.
11:44 AM: D.V.: "Readers, it's lunch time." Yay. One minute early.
11:45 AM: Begin walking back towards the dorms.
12:00 PM: Stop in my room. Put away the hidden snacks. Check email, check on calculations, etc.
12:15 PM: Grab some lunch. Perhaps pizza, but with something healthy, like salad. Oooo, and some ranch dressing, because everything goes better with ranch dressing. Don't forget the Diet Pepsi(tm).
12:18 PM: Sit down for lunch with some other graders. Listen semi-attentively as they describe all the hilarious/stupid/lame answers that they've received on their exams.
12:40 PM: Check watch, put tray away.
12:41 PM: Marvel yet again how fancy the cafeteria is, and how it wasn't like this at CMU, not at all.
12:45 PM: Head outside. This time maybe I will take the bus to the reading. Climb onto bus.
12:48 PM: Bus heads out. 5 minute bus ride.
12:53 PM: Bus drops us off. Walk to reading room.
12:55 PM: Refill coffee mug.
12:59 PM: Sit down. Stare at open exam.
1:00 PM: D.V.: "Readers, it's time to start."
1:01 PM: Grade the exam.
1:36 PM: If you really don't know the answer to the question, or the next, or the next one either, what are you doing even taking the Advanced Placement test in the first place?
1:43 PM: Wonder if I've passed the 1,000-exam mark yet.
2:11 PM: "THIS IS SPARTA". Grr.
2:37 PM: How could a student possibly believe this? Wow.
3:00 PM: D.V.: "Readers, it's break time."
3:01 PM: Find the short line.
3:08 PM: Not as many snacks to hide. Eat them all. Grab two cans of Diet Pepsi and refill coffee mug (will need them both for the home stretch).
3:15 PM: D.V.: "Readers, time to get back to work."
3:41 PM: Could it be - could it be - yes, it's a perfect paper!
4:02 PM: Yeah yeah, you're going to Cornell/Stanford/Harvard/Berkeley so you don't care what you get on this AP test. Spare us next time.
4:17 PM: End of the day is just around the corner. Only 12 exams left in this folder. Can I finish them all before the end of the day? Should I even try?
4:28 PM: Whoops, came up 9 exams short. Oh well.
4:29 PM: D.V.: "Readers, that's the end of Day 3. Just some quick announcements... Yadda, yadda, yadda."
4:33 PM: Head out the door. Begin trek to dorm.
4:49 PM: Bypass the dorm. Walk downtown.
5:02 PM: Wander around. See some potential apartment buildings. It's Saturday so they are all closed of course. Jot down numbers. Will call on Monday to check on availability and to set up appointments for viewing.
6:22 PM: Return to the cafeteria.
6:24 PM: Have some dinner. There is some herb-crusted pork that looks good. And mashed potatoes. With gravy. Because everything goes better with gravy.
6:33 PM: "And so instead of benzene, the student thought it was methane, and so of COURSE that just screwed everything up..."
6:49 PM: Retire to room. Goof around on the Internet.
7:53 PM: Begin to wonder if I shouldn't wander down to the lounge to grab some beer.
7:54 PM: Stop wondering. Put on my shoes and head downstairs.
7:56 PM: Begin drinking my first beer.
8:28 PM: Begin drinking my second beer.
9:10 PM: Begin drinking my third beer.
9:12 PM: Run into some AP Geography graders. They are crashing our party but I don't care because they seem cooler than the chemistry people. One of them is really buff. I call him "Professor Whoop-Ass." He laughs.
9:14 PM: I admit the geography people into the super-secret chemistry club because one remembers what Avogadro's Number is and the other remembers what oxygen is. Good for them.
9:17 PM: I am admitted into the super-secret geography club because I know that Uganda is not in Eastern Europe, apparently in contradiction to the majority of the AP Geography test takers. I feel privileged.
9:55 PM: Time for another beer. Funny how last call seems to come early around here.
10:44 PM: Smuggle the remainder of my beer back to my room.
10:55 PM: Think about reading some more in my book, but think better of it. I should just crash and go to bed.
11:10 PM: Fall asleep. Dream of disembodied voices describing benzene molecules in Uganda.